Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
