Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
