Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
