shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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