clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
