It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
