ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
