I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
