Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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