I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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