Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize