smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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