I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I smell like Dick and happiness
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