What a fucking waste of an outfit
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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