I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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