new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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