Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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