At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
