I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
