Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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