Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have post one night stand depression
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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