covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
