There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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