I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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