She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
