put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
