well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
