I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
