ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
