On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
