Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
