Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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