I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
