Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
