he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
