dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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