Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
