I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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