she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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