my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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