they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
