He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.