just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me