i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I want to ride his face like a jet ski