I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
