I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
