please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
