You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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