he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize