When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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