he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
