Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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