Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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