Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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