Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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