I want to walk on stilts...naked
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
