My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
