those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
