My liver just broke up with me...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
