I am in a vortex of obligation.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
