around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
