We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
