At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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