My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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