Pappa wants mamma naked
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
