Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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