I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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