got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
