Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
