bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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