Me too!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We had to coat check the pizza.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
