non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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