I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
