I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
